Friday, 11 January 2013

Movie Pitches

So this week, for fun, I've decided to share a few of the movie pitches I'm trying to get funded with you. Feedback is always welcome! This is exactly how I presented them, so you're not only getting an insight into my idea factory but also my pitching style. Enjoy!

‘Biscuits’ a romantic comedy starring Gerard Butler (we hope). Steve ‘Striker’ Stevenson is the manager of a bathroom supplies warehouse with an eye for the ladies WHEN a genie or something appears and turns him into a long haired terrier called ‘Biscuits’ because he kicked a dog once, or something.. Hilarity ensues as Biscuits not only tries to turn himself back into a man, but also pursues a coffee shop waitress with a heart of gold. It’s going to a have a lot of leg humping and scenes of Biscuits looking up ladies dresses so there’ll be plenty of action for the guys too. That way we can target as large a demographic as possible. We also plan to have ribald commentary from Butler throughout, like a ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’ for whatever it is they’re calling this decade. It will also feature Jack Nicklaus (we looked at Nicholson, but he’s priced himself out of the market) as Steve’s crotchety old neighbour. His catchphrase will be ‘Bis-CUITS!’ as he shakes his fist at the camera.

‘High Steaks’ is period gambling drama set in the old west (of the United States of America). George Steaks is a roguish card player, who moves from town to town getting by as he can when and old rival from his past turns up and threatens everything George stands for (gambling).The twist? The entire cast will be made up of ACTUAL cows. Then we’ll just CGI their mouths to make it look like they’re moving. And they say there are no original ideas. I’ve already been talking to a guy who makes cow outfits and he’s knocked out a few gingham dresses, waistcoats and little hats for us already as a trail thing if you need some sort of proof of concept. Though you can take my word for it- it’s looking amazing. The only problem is some of the key scenes in my script require some pretty technical poker skills and I’m not sure even how we’re going to get the cows to hold the cards (glue?). We’ll figure it out though.

And in case you’re not fully sold on it as yet, all the characters are going to have meat based second names a la The Flintstones i.e. Peter Brisket and Barry Rumpsteak. Now you’re in! I can tell! By the way, I’m looking at this as my prestige picture, so don’t be expecting a big cash return. Your kudos return should be through the roof, though. If we don’t get an Oscar nod I’ll be furious. 

If anyone out there wants to get on the money train and fund one of these (and why wouldn't you?), you know where to find me. As you can see from the above picture, I'm also available for any modelling jobs that might come up too. I'm extremely versatile.

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